A & B - a beginning. Two equal parts of a growing and effervescent relationship.
This blog is both a description of and an active participant in our journey through life. Here we document our way to 1,000 dates - the joys, challenges, growing pains - and all the in-betweens.
Thank you so much for reading our blog. We are honoured and humbled so many of you look at our photos, read our words, and share in all our ups and downs. We are delighted that that we have the opportunity to write so openly and passionately for all of you.
We started this blog to create an open dialogue about feelings, actions, the success and the mistakes that we make. We write and share everything (well, almost everything) because we think society needs more real and honest discussions about relating, interacting, and communicating with the world around us. In writing this blog and in our daily actions, we always try to ensure everyone feels comfortable, whether that is in our word choice, tone of voice, or simply by acknowledging the different needs and views of someone else.
Sometimes we make mistakes. Sometimes we do upset people and sometimes what we do results in people feeling uncomfortable. To anyone who felt uncomfortable, judged, and/or excluded from reading Date #349 - Brown Girls Yoga… to anyone who felt anything suggesting you are not a valuable, exceptional, unique and important member of the world we all share - we apologize. This was not our intention and we are truly sorry.
In reading the many comments you left and speaking directly with some of you, we realize our words and intentions did not necessarily communicate what we hoped they would. We acknowledge that our post had a more confrontational and argumentative tone than we would have liked. If you felt judged or excluded or inferior in any way because of that post, we are sorry. Feeling that way sucks and we don’t want that for anyone.
The intention of our post was to say just that - feeling excluded because of your race, gender, or body type is awful and unacceptable. We recognize that this happens far to often to racialized groups - more than we will ever fully comprehend - and that is not OK. In no way did we intend to minimize that reality. Being excluded because of your race is awful and terrible and unacceptable.
We believe every person should feel safe in any place.
If our post suggested anything else, if you felt unsafe or unwelcome in anyway from reading that post, we are sorry.
We are so appreciative for all of your readership, input, and feedback. We are delighted and overjoyed with what this blog has become and continues to be. While our relationship grows so too does this blog and sometimes that means we make mistakes and get mixed up. Like in our relationship, when we make mistakes we try to acknowledge where we messed up, apologize, learn, and move forward.
If you have any suggestions on how we can be better, please let us know.
Andrea & Brian
Anonymous: B, you realize peeps aren't vegetarian, right?
Some peeps are vegetarian.
Thanks for the question :)
The Zero Theorem
Date #360 - Wednesday, August 6, 2014
A: We went to see Terry Gilliam’s The Zero Theorem at The Royal Cinema down the street from B’s house. Believe it or not, it was my first time there and I was SHOCKED at how spacious the place is!! I used to live at the Bytowne in Ottawa, completely enamoured by independent, art house, foreign, and subjective films. Honestly, I’m ashamed it took me almost 3 years to get to the Royal and it is perhaps this reason I put it off even longer than I normally would have. When we sat down, B said, “First time here!” and I replied, “Me too!” He said, “No. Your first time here.” I felt silly not remembering that he’d been there before. Places like this make me really happy, though, and that feeling slipped away fairly quickly. It was an especially sweet night because B and I hadn’t seen each other in A WEEK AND HALF - I know - so it was a little date night (my favourite kind) that allowed us to connect and poke each other’s faces again.
The film itself was alright. The production design is, of course, spectacular, and the characters were quirky and unique but there was a disconnect, at least for me, between story and execution. Either way, I’d recommend it. Gilliam’s work is always an adventure in imagination.
B: I am a big fan of Terry Gilliam and was super pleased to find-out A is too. It’s great when you can learn new things about someone even though you’ve been together for over a year. It was also A’s first time at the Royal which was super-cool.
The Royal is old and beautiful and it appears in a bunch of films shot in Toronto.
Zero Theorem was weird like many of Gilliam’s films and showed actors Christopher Waltz, Tilda Swinton and Matt Damon in a beautiful and quirky new light. The question of whether life is meaningful or meaningless, and the madness that can come with pondering such questions, were showcased wonderfully. I love these high-level ideas. A and I didn’t really talk much about it after the film and now I realize I will have to ask her her thoughts on this.
I think it is important to talk and think about life and its meaning; not too much, but enough to recognize that you can have purpose and influence…or at least enough to utilize the marvellous organ we call a brain.
Recovery Day 7 - Walking, shopping, working
Date #357 - Saturday, July 26, 2014
A: Finding things that don’t require me to stare at a screen are great - so we went for a walk. A photo walk; sauntering around Church-Wellesly Village and over to some bookstores on Yonge. I also got a bunch of M&Ms because there was a promo code inside to get 2 free movie tickets. Worth it!
Spending time in the bookstore was awesome. B and I picked up a couple books - I got some pulpy syfy from the 40’s and another Bradbury book which was recommended. B got a haiku book and a Richter coffee table book. I smiled like a goof when he told me his book choices. He’s basically a dream of mine. I mean, a haiku book. Swoon.
B: A adorably worked out the cost of these bags of M \&Ms and how many you would have to buy to get the 2 movie ticket deal vs the cost of 2 movie tickets and determined it was worth buying the M&Ms. I was worried about all the sugar and also that A can’t eat M&Ms because of her teeth being broken…which meant I would probably eat them all.
We went though and she was super happy. It was cute.
I love being in bookstores. I love being surrounded by all that knowledge. I can’t wait to have my own book of poetry in there. It terrifies me and that means I must do it. I bought a book of Haikus by Masaoka Shiki (I think) and I book of paintings from Gerhardt Richter (one of my favourites).
Day 2 of recovery - Dizziness and flowers
Date #352 - Monday, July 21, 2014
A: This was the worst day. The worst. I opened my eyes in the morning to a world that was SPINNING. My room looked like those desert photos taken of the sky at night where the stars look like they’re circling us. It was scary. “What do I do!?” I said, grabbing B’s arm. He didn’t know! He said, “Does it feel better with your eyes open or closed!?” It was traumatizing. We made a little corner on the couch where I could sit up and rest. Every time I put my head back, the world spun, so that was my day. All I can say is that I’m so lucky B was there and that he graciously worked from home to stay with me. It was so scary!
B: There was no way I was going to leave A alone. She kept waking up in a panic and then going back to bed. It was kind of terrifying.
Thankfully things calmed down a bit and we chalked the dizziness up to the 1/2 Percoset she took the night before. These kind of side affects are a big reason I am not a fan of drugs.
As A calmed down we started to focus more on updating the people in her life about the accident. Her and I freelance and so when things like this happen you have to be proactive about letting people know. Her writing colleagues were super gracious and understanding about everything.
As the news spread the questions about the accident and well-wishes for a speedy recovery came in. As I read the messages to A I was overwhelmed. Above is a photo of the first of many bouquets that arrived.
Day 1 of recovery - Research and Meeting the Dad
Date #351 - Sunday, July 20, 2014
A: I think it’s safe to say that I was in complete denial of my accident on day 2. We ordered pizza and read my concussion book. I had mini anxiety attacks over taking the wrong medication and B helped me do nearly everything. I felt guilty and dumb and helpless and frustrated and overwhelmed all day. I have no memory of how B must have felt. Pizza didn’t even help, although I tried to make it seem like it did. I don’t ever want to feel this way again.
B: Concussions are scary. What do you do? Thankfully St. Michael’s Hospital has a great guide they gave us. Reading it really helped. I had a brain tumor many years ago and the effects of a concussion can be quite similar. I learned a lot about myself reading this book.
One of the scariest and most real things to accept is that after a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) a person’s personality can change. The other thing to accept is that the healing process can also be hard on the injured’s support network.
I tried to be as helpful to A as possible, knowing the first few days of recovery are the most important. Her arms were almost fully out of commission, she couldn’t read or look at screens, and eating was really hard.
Slowly I sifted through her emails, only reading her the essential ones and responding to the amazing and caring people in A’s life. I read about what supplements A should take and I moved things and bathed her and tried to smile a lot.
Oh yeah! The day before I spoke with A’s Dad for the first time and today I met him for the first time. It all felt inconsequential in the larger picture. I thought it was nice how her Dad was willing to come visit A. I honestly didn’t expect him to even suggest that.