The Great Upheaval
Date #204 - Feb 19, 2014
B: We may have missed the AGO’s contemporary art exhibit “The Great Upheaval" on Date #203, but we made it there the next day! Determination!!
I wanted to visit this exhibit for awhile. It’s about the modern artists who flipped the art world on its head between 1914-1918. Kandinsky, Monet, Picasso, all those art rock-stars. But, for some reason, I couldn’t focus.
As you may have surmised from past dates, I was having a weird week. A few times I got caught away in the paintings, but at one point A reminded me she wanted to exist in this world and not talk about others.
The exhibit was awesome and the history of the influence these artists had incredible - it reminds me of how artists today are using the Internet and how Tumblr is bringing the art world together.
When A and I got back to my place I got really overwhelmed and edgy and said something I can’t even remember now. It wasn’t particularly mean or upsetting, but given the week I was having, enough to put A over the edge. She went to sleep and left the next morning without saying anything. I contacted her later and she said, “I don’t want to talk about this now. I have to do a lot of thinking about our relationship and I don’t know how long that will take.” I responded, “OK, I understand. I am sorry and I want to talk about this when you are ready and I will be here to talk no matter how long that takes.” There was no fear of breaking up, just a, “things aren’t working and we need to take a step back and figure this out,” kind of tone.
A: Here are my feelings in a journalistic tone on TSR about the wonders of this AGO exhibit, and here's a very similar but more personal take. I was hesitant to tell B to stop talking about everything other than art but he told me a few days earlier that, if I was busy or didn't want to talk about something, I should say so. I usually do, but I'm also trying to be a better listener. In any case, I told him I wanted to be with the art. One of my major pet peeves are when people talk about what they're going to have for dinner while they're walking through a gallery. Why are you even here!??! I want to yell at them.
But yes. It doesn’t matter what B said, it just matters that there was a major disconnect and I went to sleep in silence. It was quite horrible emotionally but I generally like to think about how I feel before I share it. I’ve seen people ruin and I’ve ruined relationships spilling words fueled by emotion so, this time, I told myself to take my time with it. B respected that and it meant a lot.
The short and sweet is that I have a tendency to be somewhat submissive and it’s not always a good thing. Thankfully, I am fully aware of these moments and I strive to communicate my needs and feelings with whomever I am coming up against. It’s important to talk about this stuff and, if the other person doesn’t listen, maybe they’re just not ready or there’s a lack of awareness on their part… or yours. Life is complicated. Thankfully, B and I try our best to iron out the wrinkles as soon as they occur.